it was late at nite around 1.45 am. next semester registration at my college was da next day. i live in kl wz my hubby but i had 2 sleep at my hometown in sa cos i gotta be early 4 da registration. i was sleeping wz my mom tht nite cos hubby had 2 stay in kl.

i couldnt really sleep cos it was really hot tht nite. woke up to da sound of baby's meowing which is actually da sound of da incoming sms on my hp. i tot it was from hubby but it was frm my dad..

as i was opening da msg, i felt really tensed cos of da previous msg he sent me. it was never a nice one.. the sms wrote "Maisham dah tiada". i was shocked and got out of da room. what was i 2 do?? i immediately called schatz. it took quite a while b4 he answered. did i cry? no! i'm surprised myself. i didnt feel it.. i didnt feel sad. i talked 2 schatz abt it and he calmed me down and also told me tht it is possible tht it was a lie.. he told me 2 go 2 sleep and contact my uncles and aunt da next day. and he also told me 2 pray (solat hajat) asking Allah 4 signs. and so i did!

i couldnt sleep so might as well i pray. but b4 i did, i tried calling my dad's older sis. she didnt answer (well, it was 2am!) i asked God to show me some sort of sign and hope tht he was okay. as i was abt 2 recite du'a, bam! total darkness!!! i cant c a thing! sudden blackout. i use 2 hear tht when someone died, he/she will come visit their loved ones.. i freaked out! i was afraid tht i could hear my dad!! i got up and slowly find my way 2 my mom's room. i called her. she got up. i explained abt da blackout. she told me 2 go 2 my lil sis room and ask 4 candles. again i had 2 feel my way 2 her room cos i still cant see a thing!

my sis woke up and lit da candles in her room. i was still in my telekung. i sat beside my sis and told her da news. she was shocked! then, my mom came in. i told her too. she didnt seem surprised. i bet she tot tht it was another of his lies. anyway, was da blackout a sign? or was it a coincidence? i dont know. ..

it was 2.30 am, i decided 2 call my dad's youngest bro. if he were really dead, his family should know, right? my uncle was still awake. i told him da story. he was shocked and told me tht he hasnt heard any news abt my dad. i asked him if he would call others 2 find out abt dad.

i also called my older sis. but there was nothing tht we could do but wait 4 more news. i talked 2 my youngest sis. we talked abt wat if he was dead? it's sad not having 2c him and take care of him while he's still alive.. so sad.. but i didnt cry!! why?!! i slept at 4 am.

i got up da next day at 6 am to pray and get dress. in case u all wondering, why i didnt call da wife instead? its bcos i know she wont answer.. i rushed 2 my faculty 2 register but it seems tht dis semester they totally do it online.. that's a relief.. i hate queues!!

later tht morning, i called my aunt. she tried calling da woman but she didnt answer. what is going on?!! one thing abt my dad is tht he called us from so many hp numbers.. aiya!! anyway, later tht afternoon i went back to kl. as i was watching tv, my mom called. it seems tht she's telling every1 abt dis matter!! why lar! she told 1 of my dad's long-time-good-fren and he called da woman. i bet da woman answered da phone bcos she didnt recognize his number.

and u know wat she told him??!! she said tht he died 4 days ago and she already informed my dad's family. wtf? when i heard tht i start 2 believe tht my dad had died!!!! and i felt so sad cos i wont have da chance 2c him again.. i was crushed! i called my sis and my aunt. they were shocked!! i called schatz and started crying... i really hoped tht she lied.. pls..

cant do much after hearing da news.. tried calling a few friends of mine but cant reach them. my other uncles called 2 ask abt da new news.. from their voice, i know tht they're furious and worried.. i was planning 2go and face tht woman tht weekend and force her 2 show his grave!

jus imagine tht u've been dreaming 2b wz ur dad again and take care of him when he's old and then found out tht it's too late!! schatz warned me abt my emotional reaction. he told me 2 'istighfar' and remember tht it's Allah's will. we can't do anything abt it. we can only pray 4 him. masya Allah.. it's hard!!!

later, my aunt called.. she was crying. i felt terrified.. but then she said tht he's still alive and he's in kelantan. alhamdulillah.. tht was da 1st thing i said. my aunt told me tht she called and called and called until da woman answered. then she asked what's da deal abt my dad. it took awhile b4 she admits tht my dad told her 2 sms me and lie abt his death..

how could he? he left us wz broken hearts, dreams, hopes and faiths.. when everything was ok when i got married, he told me not to contact him.. and now this? however, i do understand why he did this..

he's so in need of help from his kids and his bro and sis but we weren't able 2 help him dis time. it was too much 4 us. and bcos of the rejections, he tot tht he were dead 2 us. he faked his death. but i dont know what he'll get frm all this.. it's really sad..

i feel sorry 4 my dad.. human makes mistakes.. and my dad is only human.. he had chosen his path.. i'm not mad at him and dis incident made me realize tht i cant wait no more.. i have to act soon!! i have 2 find my dad and tell him tht i love him and i wanna take care of him.

why not call him? cos i know tht da woman will not let me talk 2him! i hv 2 ambush him. i know where he lives but it would take some time 2 plan things out!

i'm sorry dad.. i wish tht u would talk 2 me. i wish tht u would listen 2 wat i have 2 say. i pray 4 ur safety and health after every prayers. i pray tht we can meet and everything will be ok. i miss u so much...

-masni-